Do Unto Others...

The first rule of being a good roommate is to be considerate. Yeah, I know, it’s not always easy. But the best way to get what you want is to allow the other person to have what he or she wants too. It’s called compromise. If you don’t do anything to step on your roommate’s toes, you have a lot of leverage if he or she steps on yours. Instead of living in a constant tug-of-war, be nice and accommodating from the start. If you start out on a bad note, it can last all year.

However, it's important not to let compromise ruin your college experience. If your roommate starts to take advantage of your leniency it's always best to speak up before it's too late. If you’re really having a problem with your roommate, don’t hesitate to go to your resident assistant. Often, dorms will offer mediation, or even move you if it gets really bad. You didn’t come to college to be abused, demoralized, or to live in squalor. Report a problem if you’re miserable. Realize that there will probably be times when you hate your roommate, and that’s okay. Just don’t follow through on those revenge fantasies. The feeling will most likely pass.

Living in such a cramped environment will inevitably lead to conflict if you don't discuss house rules together. Here are some important rules to consider:

• The Phone. How are you going to handle messages? What’s the limit for conversations if someone is waiting for the phone? What’s the cutoff time for incoming calls?
• Noise. What time do you turn off music? How late can you party with your friends in the room?
• Schedule. When do the lights go out? When do you open the curtains in the morning? When do you like to study?
• Open door. Is your door going to be locked or open most of the time? (I recommend locking it.)
• Neatness. How clean do you like your space? Will you set up a cleaning schedule and agree to pick up after yourselves?
• Borrowing. Are some things off-limits? Do you need to ask before borrowing something, or can you just use it? What if something gets broken or lost?
• Food. If there will be food in the room, are you going to split it?
• Guests. How long are guests allowed to stay? Where are they going to sleep? What rules will they follow?

Each of you should post your class, work, and practice schedules in a visible area so that everyone knows when the others are coming and going. That way you can schedule some private time in your room if you need it. But don’t be shocked when your roommates don’t stick to their schedules. Skipping classes and other commitments happens quite often (though I don’t recommend doing it).